Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!
by Lady Venom2
Summary: {Ch 11 is up}I take one little quiz, and poof! I really don't think that having Rampage in my tiny three bedroom apartment is really such a good idea.
1. The Quiz

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Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!

Note: First name and last name is replaced with the pen name of mine. My timeline is a little screwed up. You see, I'm going off of Sineads' timeline, in which Robots are finding there way to the human world, and you will see some of them and their spark bonded here in this story. 

Rattrap – Ajax (respected writers who claim the now human bots' Sapphire)

Megatron – Michael ( Starath)

Dinobot – Donavon ( Sinead)

Confused? Let me know and I'll explain more next chapter!

Finally out of class, I left for the guidance room, where she would have unlimited access to the computers. Logging into Hotmail, I smiled. He had made it, Neville had sailed to the Caribbean without any problems! I opened the letter happily, glad that he had remembered to email me. He thanked me for the letter that I had wrote him, and the poems and pictures of them and our friends together. And I suddenly wondered if he thought of us when he looked at the stars like I did. I missed him desperately, and was sad when he had to leave only a day before Halloween. But I was glad that he was able to escape the small trap of a town where we lived. He knew there was nothing for him here, and he found an opportunity sailing, and took it. But I was still depressed that I might never see him again, since he would be gone for over five years. There was movement behind me, and a song that started, and the sound of it caused me to stop reading, and stare at the screen. It was _the_ song, the song that always reminded me of him.

"Ooohhh, he finally mailed you did he? Huh, I got a letter from him last week."

__

Liar. But I didn't say anything, just thankful that Fiona had paused Bring Me To Life' by Evanescence, and leaned over my shoulder, reading the letter. Growling under her breath I quickly pulled up another window, effectively hiding the mailbox.

"Ooookaaaay, someone's a little touchy today."

__

Only because you've accused me of breaking you two up over the summer. But outwardly I simply smiled and shook my head.

"No, nothing's wrong."

Knowing that Fiona no longer held a grudge (mainly because the cause of it was no longer around) I really hated to be mean to her, so I breathed a sigh of relief when the younger girl took the hint and left.

Closing my mailbox, I opened MSN and YIM, hoping for some company. Finding only Sapphire online I began typing, asking if she had received some of the art work and how her exams were going.

Sapphire's not here, she'll be back in a sec. Was the typed reply. I began to respond to the writer when I realized that I had the wrong name. Frustrated I changed the name from Rattrap to Ajax, and hit enter, waiting for the reply.

She's having supper, and she let me use the computer.

How are you liking South Africa? Did she show you her pet rats?

He laughed, saying that he was coping with everything wonderfully. A sudden message from him informed me that Ajax was being kicked off the computer, he gave a quick farewell and logged off.

__

Damn, now what do I do?

"Hmm, Sapphire should have the site updated." Typing in the address, I found the site with ease, going through the latest things put up.

"A new quiz? Sweet! An' it's a Beast Wars one too!" Clicking on the link, I read the title aloud. "Find out Which Beast Wars Character You Belong With? Hehehee, I wonder who it could be" The inside of the quiz page was a dark black color, with spinning Predicon and Maximal insignias along the edge, and white questions. _Certainly one Sapphire must have found through a random search. _But reading the questions it was impossible to find out which one pertained to which character. The only questions that were Transformer related were the last two.

"Okay, which faction am I? Doi! Predicon! Aaaannnnd, which is my favorite character? Just a certain homicidal maniac! Hehehehehehenow, who is it?" 

"Results are being processed, and I am" I watched as the screen went blank, " A crashed computer" Knowing there weren't any teachers around I punched the screen, causing my knuckles to turn red in pain. "Stupid, no good, piece of iMac lameo, cheapass slagging crap! I swear to the Goddess one day I am seriously gunna kick Bill Gates' ass!"

About to reboot it, the bell rang, signaling that next class had started and that I would be late for English.

"Bloody ell, Penny's gunna kill me!" I cried, grabbing my book bag and dashing for the stairs. Walking quickly as to not get stopped by any other teachers along the way, I finally made it to the other end of the school. Knocking lightly on the closed door.

"Ah, Miss Venom, so glad you decided to join us for class today." 

Gulping meekly as I went inside, the door closing behind me. It wasn't like I skipped classes on purpose okay, wellmaybe once in a while, when I had a large assignment due and it wasn't done. But that was it.

Later, once finally at home, and able to relax I leafed through the mail, finding one addressed to me.

"Now what do I have to fill out?" Opening it, I read the letter.

Dear Miss Venom,

You have taken the test and passed, due to the unusual number of transformer / human relationships happening, the Beast Wars are coming to an end. Many of the warriors are without leadership –

__

To quote Jetstorm " Ah say, what?"

And we have decided that through this test we will be able to find suitable homes for those left over. – __

Yeah, I'll bet they'll be real_ pleased to hear you call them that. _

You have taken the quiz, and although your preferred match up did not match your favorite, we- __

Alright, now waitaminute, just who are we' anyway?

have decided that you would prefer to have your choice with you and such, you can expect him there momentarily. 

Have a nice day,

Sincerely,

"Where's the name? And what the hell is going on?! Aaaarrrggh!!!!" I flopped back onto the couch, completely annoyed. Trying to find a reason as to why I would get such a letter. My brother!. Nohe couldn't have known about the quizCheetra doesn't have a key to the mailboxalthough the locks are pretty crappy, and with those nails of hers.no. She was at work when I was taking the quiz, and I had just told her last class. So she couldn't have known.

Giving for the time being, I brewed some hot chocolate with a scoop of coffee in it, and sat down with some coffee yogurt. To watch T.V, glancing at my reflection on the long mirror propped up against the wall. The dust about an inch thick on it, T.V on I settled into watching my favorite old shows of All in the Family and I Dream Of Jeannie when a noise drew my attention. Standing up I went to the door, hoping that I didn't have to deal with annoyed tenets over something. Seeing no one outside the door, I walked back to the living room, and screamed.

"By the Pit!"

"You can say that again!!"

"By the Pit, it talks!"

I stopped and placed my hands on my hips, "I am not an it' and I absolutely _hate_ being referred to as that."

I ducked as Rampage pulled out his missile launcher, yelling at the top of my lungs for him to not destroy my home. Finally though, after a lot of pleading. He put it away, probably due to my extreme fear of Cheetra and Michelle coming home to a destroyed apartment. I mean, how would that look? We've only been living together for two months, and I destroy everythingnot a good thing as a roomie. 

"Tell me then, why did I spare you?"

I lowered my hands from there position of covering my head and looked at him nervously, "'Cause underneath you're actually a really nice bot?"

Eep! Wrong answer! I dodged large gun that moved through the air where my head was just a moment before. Standing, I decided that he was having waaaay too much fun at my expense.

"Alright, that's it!" Walking over I grabbed the nearest thing within reach and smashed it over his head. Tough love, but it is effective. The problem was that what I had grabbed was the large, full container of yogurt, spoon and all. The container landed upside down on his head, getting caught in one of his little horn thingys, and dribbling down over his head, the spoon landed in his mouth because he had looked up to see what I was throwing at him. Since I was only five foot nothing, this originally eight foot six inch crab was cut down to my sizemore like hitting size. He was now six foot seven, still immensely tall. But able to fit in the apartment.

He grabbed me by the wrist in his weird little claws, wow, ya know the show never really did him justice. He has a lot of detail that I never noticed about him before, like did you know that his middle fingers are actually smaller than the rest of his fingers.how cute.

"You will pay for that."

I struggled for a minute in his grasp, "Ya know, you're really starting to sound like Megs." Ut oh.. lemme guess, he doesn't like being called a copy cat. Prime.

Lifting me up I spotted the clock behind him, and realized that both Michelle and Cheetra were getting off at the same time, which was ten minutes ago. And that meant that they would be home soon.

Crud.

"Can you just let go of me, for just one itsy bitsy minutes?" When he refused to acknowledge that I even spoke to him I tried something else. "If you let me do this one thing, you can disembowel me later." 

That got his attention!

Good, now to turn on the computer, log on and pray to the gods that she was on. A little smiley face looked up at me. Yes! She was, okay, please respond, please respond

Lady V? What's wrong? What're you jumping around about?

Huh? Oh yeah, doi, I had the camera on and she could see me.

Listen up Starath, this is veeeerrrrry important, is Micheal there with you? Please oh please tell me he is!

A pause that seemed to last an eternity, then, Yes, I am here Miss Venom, what is it?

I actually cried out a bit in happiness, causing Rampage to look over my shoulder. Right into the line of vision from the web cam.

By the Pit! Rampage? Is that you? How did this happen Lady Venom? Why is he there, he'll kill you!

"I know that you dorkbot!" I whined, but simply typed and tried to shove a very large, very heavy robot away. Can you guess how well my luck held out?

Listen Mikey, He hated me calling him that, but I didn't care at the moment, Do you still have something of his? Something that would ensure me life!? Please, oh please tell me you do!

Again the pause of a lifetime, and from behind me I could hear Rampage mutter "Who was that, and how did he know me?"

I glanced at him, "Long story, and it'll save my ass if I don't repeat it."

Lady V? This is Starath, and I'm here for Megs, he says doesn't have it, that it's still back in their timeline with Dinobot. We're really sorry.

At that moment I activated my mic, so that I could deal with Rampage and talk at the same time.

"Well, how else did he manage him?" I yelled, keeping my distance from the large robot smiling at me. By the way, that is a very scary sight considering he doesn't have lips. Lady Venom in the stories had claws to contain her Rampage, what did I have? and two psycho roommates?

"Rampage?"

That got his attention. 

"Mighty Leader? Is that you?" He looked at the computer, and saw the human looking back at him, and laughed heartily. "A human, a lowly human is why you left us?"

I could hear that both he and Starath were not pleased with the comment, come to think of it, neither was I.

"We're not lowly, you overgrown lawnmower! If it weren't for us you never would've been – uh oh." I realized what I had said. Thankfully Megatron or, Micheal spoke up in time to save my extremely inappropriate mouth.

I looked at the others on the screen, as Rampage had a vocabulary battle with Megatron, but it sounded more like two children at it in the playground, but I kept my mouth shut.

There was a small sound that could barely be heard over the fighting, and I quickly recognized it. It was the sound of keys in the lock. Cheetra and Michelle were home.

Oh goddess, now what?

TBC

Next part, coming soon Will the apartment survive? Will my roommates accept him, or cook him up for supper? And will Rampage not try new forms of torture on us? All on the next Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!


	2. Supper Time!

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Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My! 

Pt.2. 

Supper Time

I closed my eyes, I just did not want to see the look on Cheetra and Michelles' face when they saw him. At the last possible second, I turned to Rampage and hissed,

"Why can't you act normally for just this once? Goddess, this would be sooo much easier if you were human!"

when the robot simply blinked at me, I sighed in defeat, and turned to watch my friends as they had a heartattack. Michelle was the first one inside, she glanced at him then went straight for the shower, while Cheetra went to the fridge, opening a can of Vanilla Coke. I looked over to the shocked Rampage, to make sure he was still there, then back to Cheetra.

"UhCheets, don't you notice anything, um different?" I suddenly realized that Starath and Michael had fallen silent, listening in to her reaction.

She glanced at Rampage, then at me, "Yeah, one of your dates followed you home."

Despite the situation I blushed at the inside joke, then moved to the kitchen in order to talk to her privately. "Look at him, what do you see?"

She looked at Rampage, who was finally cleaning the yogurty mess off of his head, then back at me.

"A very hot muscled guy, early twenties, really dark complexion, almost no hair –and what he does have is black and curly-. Oh! And he has a really sweet tribal tattoo on his left arm." She smiled and pointed to the coffee flavored goo on the wood floor. "I thought we told you no foreplay in the living room?"

I smacked her arm lightly, but smirked at the thought.

Ack! Dirty thought!

She took my flustered face for another reason and sipped the pop thoughtfully, "Me and Elle were going to out, but now." She peeked over my shoulder, to where I could hear Rampage still talking to Micheal, "I think we should all have supper to get to know your new flavor better."

The years of teasing her and Danny have come back to kick my karmic ass.

Leaving, I went back to Rampage, sitting in front of the computer, I waited until Cheetra had left before talking.

"Why do they see a human? Apparently he's really hot."

"Obviously." I heard Rampage scoff from beside me. Ye gods, gloat much?

Starath seemed just as perplexed, "I don't know LV, I see only Rampage, so do you and Megs. Maybe it's a fan thing?"

I heard Micheal snicker, "So Miss Venom, what's on he menu for tonight."

"Well, Elle's a vegetarian, I'm trying hard to be one toodamn chickenso it'll be mostly veggies except for probably some pork for Cheetra." I looked at Rampage, who was seething.

"So I guess it's time for an explanation." He crossed his arms and looked down at me, which is really annoying I might add.

"Okay, at aroundohh, 11 am this morning, I took a quiz about you guys and the Beast Wars, the computer crashed before I knew who I was most qualified to be with. Five hours later, I get this letter," I hand it to him, pausing as he reads it over. "It says that I originally chose to host someone else, but you were chosen instead. Which, come to think of it, I am curious as to who I should've had."

I watched the letter as it floated to the floor, and looked up at the crab curiously.

"Fine, so I have been sent here by some divine invisible group of people because they think we _match_?" 

I pointed to my favorite red hiking boots / sneakers that were still on my feet, and then to my red T-shirt I was wearing. "Well, we do kinda match."

When he growled at me I threw my arms up in frustration.

"What? You think I'm gonna enjoy this too? I've got a date with Jonathan tomorrow night."

"You do?"

I turned to Michelle, who was pulling her hair up into a towel. I turned back to the computer, saying goodbye to Starath and Micheal before closing MSN and trying to divert the insane ones' attention away from Rampage. 

"Uh, yeah he asked me out yesterday at work."

She stared at me, "He knows where you work? Shouldn't you be worried?"

I gave her a duh look, "He knows where I work because he works with me. Doi."

"Doi?"

I shrugged, "It's my word of the year, baka was getting old, and didn't apply to everything like doi does."

She looked back at Rampage, who was surprisingly, behaving. Which made me suspicious, but then again, maybe Megatron threatened him or something. One could only hope.

"Sowhat's your name?" She looked at Rampage.

"I am Ra –" I stomped on his foot, obviously not causing pain, but buying me time to think up a real name.

"His name is uh.. is" Think! What could fit into what he startedoh! "His name is Raphael."

She looked him up and down, god I hated when she did that, I could hear Rampage sputter from beside me. 

"Yup his name is Raphael, and we're leaving now, bye."

She pulled out a frozen package of veggie lasagna, plopping it onto the cupboard. 

"Oh, I thought Cheetra said we were having supper together. Besides," She pushed me away from the door, smiling. "That way we can get to know your friend better."

He's not my friend, he's a killer that will rip us to shreds given the chance. I looked at Rampage, who was poking the now revealed lasagna curiously.

"What is this? A form of weaponry?"

I snickered, "The way Cheetra cooks it could be."

"I heard that!" 

Touchy!

"Look uhRaph, just go sit down on the couch, here's the remote, now watch television and please, please don't destroy anything."

He gave that psychotic grin of his at my fear, but remained civil. He turned on the T.V after I explained how it worked, and instantly was drawn to a show on the history channel about WWII. I left to help Michelle with supper.

"Okay, I'll prepare the chicken for me and Cheets, hand me that lemon will ya?"

"How do you know him? I mean, he really doesn't seem like your type. Can you get me a knife from the drawer?"

I passed her the large chopping knife, and started to squirt some lemon juice onto the chicken, throwing it into the skillet.

"Well, we kinda bumped into each other, I knew him a while ago. And no, I'm not dating him. Are you sure that lettuce is fresh?"

She ripped off the one wilted leaf, and gave me a look, "Better? Okay, but he looks like he belongs in some kind of jail," Rampage laughed hysterically from the living room when this one war veteran explained what happened to him at a POW camp. "Or an institute."

I groaned. Why couldn't they have sent me Depth Charge? Or maybe Waspinator? Clutz's I can handle, and at least Depth Charge knew how to behave. Why oh why did they have to send him to me now? Just when life was finally starting to look up? I shook my head and moved around the chicken, adding some of the vegetables Michelle had chopped up for me.

"So where's he staying? Close by, or is this just a one time visit?"

I stopped. Realizing that he would have to stay here, with us, where we slept Dear Goddess we won't survive the night

"Um, well, he kinda needs a place to live for a while, while he looks for a job and apartment." Okay, plausible enough. "He can sleep out here, on the couch." I looked at her, a pleading look in my eyes. She held up her hands in defense, "Hey, don't give me that look honey, it's not me you gotta convince, it's Cheetra."

"I'll tell her after supper." I concluded, flipping the chicken, causing Michelle to wrinkle her nose. But she always held her tongue, thankfully not imposing her ways on those who didn't want it.

"I know, I know, don't worry I'm almost done." She simply shrugged.

Cheetra came out, having changed into a pair of jeans and a tiny black shirt on it that said Little Miss Bitch' and I remembered how much controversy Penny had made of the shirt. She sat down on the couch, right beside Rampage. I watched carefully to see if he made any sudden movement, when he didn't I watched even closer, not trusting the crab at all. But when She actually suggested a different show, and he agreed, I relaxed. Satisfied that he wasn't going to be slaughtering anyone tonight. 

I grabbed the dishes, and began lifting the food onto the green plates. Goddess I hated when it was my turn to cook.

"Alright, come and get it."

Rampage looked up and over at us as the three of us began grabbing food onto the plates. Finally getting some energy to get up he lumbered over to us. Great, a couch crab, just what our cable bill needed.

"Get what?" He asked suspiciously.

Cheetra looked at him funny before pointing to the plates before him. "It's foodthat's mashed potatoes, that's lasagna, and that's lemon spiced chicken. Take what you want. Water, milk and pop is in the fridge."

I took his plate and loaded up on the lasagna and chicken for him, praying that he liked something. I watched him dig in with his fingers and pick up the piece of chicken, taking it in with one bite. I quickly handed him a fork, and explained that the fork picks the food up, and that you use it to shovel the food into your mouth. I forced myself to stop laughing at the sight of such a tiny fork in his big hands. But of course, that's not what my friends saw, which made me look like the fool. 

After finally eating everything we had cooked, Rampage sat down, seemingly content. And he should've been. He ate over half the large lasagna, four pieces of chicken and a small bowl of mashed potatoes, and ate some chocolate ice cream! The lout should look content! 

But of course, now the fun starts.

"Cheets, ah can I ask you something?" I closed the door to her room behind me as I entered. "Well, ya see Ramp I mean Raph needs a place to stay and I thought that he could stay with us. Michelle already said she doesn't mind, so the last veto is up to you." I paused, waiting while she thought it over, knowing that she was making me nervous.

Finally though, she grinned. "'Course he can stay, he'll be a great clubbing friend." I grinned widely and ran over to hug my friend. 

"Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou." I thanked her some more before leaving, passing Elle in the hallway.

"So I guess we've got our first houseguest huh?"

I nodded, and went into the living room, realizing that the girls would be out here using the computer, with Rampage. Alone. I walked out to find him watching television again.

"You. Up. Follow me."

He didn't even look up, "You presume to tell me what to do?"

"Oh bull, I'll always presume to order you, you're my houseguest! Now. Move!"

Well, whatever Megatron said must've been harsh, because he just took crap from me and didn't try to blow me up. Two points for me. I led him to my room, pointed to the double bed and then to the little sofa on the side.

"I sleep here, you sleep there, any sudden movements on your behalf and your ass is grass."

He grumbled, but sat down, shoving my stuffed animals onto the floor in order to get more space, and found the remote to my little TV

Great, day one is over, tomorrow is Friday and I have school, a date, and a killer crab to worry about.

  
The television blared to life on an old Humphry Bogart movie. Loudly

Oh yeah, karma loves me.


	3. School!

Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!

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Pt.3. School

By: Lady Venom

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__

Beepbeepbeep Beepbeepbeep Beepbeepbeep Beepbeepbeep.BAM!

"What the slag was that?!"

I rolled over with a groan, surprised that he was still here, and weirder still, so was I. Rampage looked over at me from his odd perch on the sofa, shock on his face at the odd sound of my very loud alarm clock. Finally picking the nuisance up from the floor I noted the time. Gah! Seven thirty! I was going to be late! Jumping up I threw the covers to the side in a mad dash to get to the showers before the others woke up. CRASH!

Unfortunately the crab decided to walk into my dash line, and I collided with him head on. He looked down at me and snickered, simply standing there watching me rub my head to stop the oncoming headache. Growling under my breath I shoved my way past the red blob and ran to the hallway. Just in time to see Michelle close the door.

"Aaargh! Now I'm gonna be even later!" I heard the water turn on and muttered curses under my breath. Fine! I'll shower when I get home then.

I went to the kitchen where there was already a pot of coffee brewing, grabbing my favorite gray and silver heart mug I moved the pot over and placed the mug under the stream until it was full and replaced the mug. Taking two spoonfuls of sugar and whitener and dumping it into the black liquid caffeine. Sighing gratefully after the first sip. I felt a tap on my shoulder, turning around I looked up at Rampage with a start.

"Geez, make some noise when you approach someone will ya?! A heart attack first thing in the morning is not what I had in mind!"

He grinned down at me, causing me to shudder again at the weird sight of it. You know, I'm starting to really dislike empaths. But, that's besides the pointwhat was the point again?

Oh yeah,crabby giving me a heart attack

"What is it?"

"I'm hungry."

I eyed him, "Okay how about some eggs and bacon?"

"Bacon?" He gave me a look at the odd word, so I decided to elaborate on terms he'd understand.

"Bacon is strips of meat and flesh that has been cut out of a pig for our eating benefits."

He grinned. How the hell can he do that with his mouth!? It's so freaky.

"Bacon sounds good."

Not having enough time to fry it up myself, I slapped some bacon onto a paper towel covered plate and put it into the microwave to be cooked by gamma rays or something. And began on the eggs.

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw."

"Forget I asked." I decided scrambled would suit him, and began to mash the eggs up, adding a few spices along the way for flavor.

"Here you go." I set the plate down in front of him. Watching him for a second as he inhaled the food before leaving to get dressed.

Coming back out with a pair of dark jeans and a brown tee shirt on, I grabbed my backpack and sat down on the couch to tie up my sneakers. I heard Rampage still eating, and someone walking into the kitchen, looking up I saw Michelle.

"Cheets still in bed?" She nodded. "Alright then, I probably won't be home for a bit, so don't expect me for supper." She shrugged, taking a sip of her tea, and looked over to Rampage.

"So, what are your plans for today Raphael?" Rampage, obviously not realizing she was addressing him, simply pushed the empty plate away with a loud belch. I wrinkled my nose.

"Dear Goddess that was gross. Excuse yourself!"

He glared at me but said nothing. Pig. I stood up and walked over to him, he was my height now because he was sitting on a chair that by rights should have collapsed under his weight. But then, that would be asking for some logic's and sanity. Something that we all know was destroyed yesterday afternoon.

"Listen, I have to go to school, after school I'll be back long enough to shower, change and leave with Jonathan. You will be on your best behavior while I'm gone. Do you understand me?" I tried to make my voice as menacing as possible, and I usually can scare the ones I want into listening. But then again, none of them kill for a living like him.

Oddly enough, I watched as he nodded his head. "I'll behave."

I gotta remember to thank Starath and Michael later. They're good.

Taking one last look, trying to remember how the apartment looked before I left, I had a feeling it wouldn't look this way when I came back. And left. Putting my headphones on I lost myself in the music of t.A.T.u.

School was as uneventful as usual. Showed up late for English, wrote a test in math, and finished a project in CRS (Computer Related Studies). When the day was finally over, and I was on my way home, I saw an ambulance parked in our parking lot. Freaking, I bolted through the doors, looking down both hallways for the men in white, before going to the apartment. Looking everywhere I finally found Rampage sound asleep on my bed, sprawled so his limbs hung off the edge.

"You!" I smirked in satisfaction when he jumped, and I stalked over to the bed, "What did you do now?"

"What the slag are you talking about?"

"There's an ambulance outside, now what did you do? I swear if you killed someone. Intentionally or not, I will find some way to make you hurt" I just couldn't think of any right now.

He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, "I didn't do anything. I've been here the whole time, I swear!"

"Yeah, I know you do, I've heard you."

He growled at me. Finally, a sound I recognized from him! "I didn't do a thing, by the Matrix I didn't! I can't even if I wanted too."

"You can't? How come?"

"Your friends have my spark, or did your puny mind forget that?" He sneered.

So that's why he's been behaving! I am so going to send a box full of rubber duckies to Megs this Christmas!

"That's right! So you wouldn't have"

"Hey LV, you in there?" I looked out the door at Cheetras call. "What is it?"

"Some woman just had a heart attack on the fifth floor, apparently she had stopped taking her medication." She answered me.

"Cheets, have you been here the whole time?"

"Yeah, why?"

I sighed into my hands, "No reason." I looked back over to the very angry crab in front of me.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry I doubted you. But I mean, come on. In all honesty, when have you ever told the truth? About a thing you _didn't_ do?" I interrupted when he opened his mouth.

He grumbled something, but I didn't hear it. Grabbing my towel off the bookshelf I left for the bathroom. Glad to have the entire shower to myself for a good hour.

Once all done and clean, I grabbed the blow dryer to my wet hair. Once dry I started to dress when I heard the knob click for a second before opening up, revealing me and the crab.

"AAAAAAHHHHH, get out of here you perv!" I grabbed the blow dryer and threw it at him, but it only hit the door as he shut it as quickly as he had opened it.

That's it! I have got to teach that bot some manners!

I finished dressing and left in search of him.

"He's hiding, he keeps saying something about energon and a spark."

Search as I might, I couldn't find the damn bot. How hard could it have been to find a large robot or transmetal crab in a three bedroom apartment? Apparently harder than I thought, because after an hour I gave up. Instead going back to get ready for my date. Which would be here any minute. Going to my closet to find a jacket I opened the sliding doors, and stepped back as a large form fell at my feet.

Stepping over Rampage, I grabbed my purple vest. And closed the door, stepping over the crab again. But he reached out and grabbed my ankle, causing me to fall.

"Grrr.what do you think you are doing?" I looked back at him, and he was looking embarrassed?

"I'm I'm slaggit I'm sorry alright!"

"You're sorry? Well you should be! Next time you should knock before entering anyplace."

He nodded, and let go of my ankle. He watched me closely, after a few minutes it began to freak me out.

"What? What are you staring at?"

"You're not going to punish me?"

"Why? Cause you saw me butt naked? I shouldbut I'm too busy to think up a punishment right now. Later, after I come home."

"You're going away again?"

What is with all these emotions? The show never showed a nervous Rampage.

"Yeah, I told you, I have a date. You'll be fine here with Michelle and Cheetra as long as you don't try and kill them."

"But"

"What? What's wrong?"

"It's that friend of yours, Michelle. I think she knows about me."

Ihuh? "Have you been talking to those guys on MSN again?" When I saw him nod I sighed. "Look, she's not going to try experiments on you. She won't send you away to Megatron either. She's a vegetarian, she'll probably do what ever she can to save the animal side of you."

He nodded, but seemed a bit reluctant. But there was no time to waste. The phone rang, and I heard Cheetra answer it.

"That was your boytoy." She called down to me.

I stood and went to the door, putting my boots on and grabbing my purse. Turning to say bye I saw Rampage right behind me.

"I _told_ you to make some noise! Cripes!"

He ducked his head, and looked down.

"Uh Lady Venom, may I come with you?"

I whined. I do not want a puppy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------


	4. He Knows What!

Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!

Pt.4 He knows What?!

****

By: Lady Venom

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I looked up at the large, slightly scared looking robot who had just asked to accompany me on my date.

"I don't bloody well think so!"

"But that girl, the one with the spiky red hair is weird."

I burst out laughing; I couldn't help it. This large Predicon, who had slain thousands of robots and humans alike, was a feared immortal and hunted by both Maximal Elder and Predicon. Was scared of Cheetra?

"What's so funny?" Great, now he was mad. Talk about your mood swings.maybe it's _that_ time of the month.

"You're" I paused to catch my breath, "You're scared of Cheets?" I waved my hand dismissively, " You'll be fine, she won't hurt you as long as you don't touch her sharp and pointy collection." That's what I refer to her sword and dagger collection as. Mainly because she reminds me of Waspinator on a sugar high with daggers.

" I just don't think that you should you should be left alone with this man. What if he's –"

"Like you?" I interrupted. "You'll be fine. I'll be home later, before midnight I promise!" He watched me but finally nodded.

I think I heard him whimper as I shut the door. Sheesh, Cheetra doesn't even like seafood. I'll have to remember to ask her what they did while I was at school. But with my memory I'll probably remember to forget.

"Hey Jonathan, where too?"

"Well, I thought we could go to the club, have a few drinks, dance a little make out a little" He smirked. I shook my head.

"You seem to forget that my uncle is the bouncer at that club. And I'm only eighteen , so no drinking. As for the rest. Maybe, if you behave" I grinned nastily, and opened the passenger side door of his car. I heard him chuckle before turning on the ignition.

I relaxed as we pulled out of the parking lot.

The night was uneventful, apparently he had a back up place to go to, a house party. Personally I don't care for them, to much beer and drugs. I did those once and I had no desire to do them again, so I wanted to leave for someone offered me something.

"Aw come on babe, just one more drink?" I watched Jonathan sway on his feet.

"Yeah, I think you've had enough, come on, I promised I'd be home before midnight. And it's already quarter too."

"Fine." He grumbled, and started for the car, but I stopped him.

"Nuh huh. You are not fit to be driving, give me the keys or I'll call a cab."

"I am perfectly fit to be driving! You're the one who wanted to leave, and now you want to drive? Dammit!" I grimaced at the pitiful attempt to get the keys back from me. I got into the drivers seat and waited for him to buckle up. He smelled horrible, and with the combination of dope and beer I was not happy. I'm glad that Rampage didn't go with mehe probably would've been curious, and a high and drunk Rampage is not something I think I could've dealt with.

I pulled up into his driveway, and got out. Walking over and giving him back his keys, I pulled out Michelle's cell phone. She had let me borrow it for emergencies like this one. I love that girl. And dialed the number for my favorite cab.

"What, you're not coming in for a little fun?" He said, trying to feel me. I brushed him away. Trying to listen to the rings of the dying phone. Finally someone picked up.

"David's' cab. Can I help you?"

"Yes, I need a cab for 13 Cherry Lane."

"Okay, give me about five minutes."

I said goodbye and checked my watch, midnight. Crap. I looked back toward the house to see Jonathan sitting quietly on the porch lawn chair. Walking up the stairs, I approached him, and heard something.

He was snoring! The little brat. That's the last time I let him choose where we go! With a sigh I shook him.

"Hey, John, wake up." When I didn't get a response, I flicked his nose.

"Wakey, wakey." I'm waking him up to go to bed

"Nurgh? Wha is it?" He asked, still asleep. He looked up at me, "Why am I outside?"

I rolled my eyes, "Get up, come on." I grabbed his arm, and wrapped it around my shoulder, and helped him inside. Depositing him on the couch. It was close enough.. I looked out the window and saw my cab pull up.

I looked back at him and couldn't help but smile, sure he was a pain in the ass, but he looked adorable when he was asleep.

As I paid the cab, I wondered if Rampage would be up. I hoped not because right now all I felt like doing was collapsing onto my bed. I opened and shut the door quietly, the lock making a loud click to my ears. The others must work the next day, otherwise they'd still be up watching movies.

I didn't see Rampage in the living room, good, that must means that he's asleep. Which means no questions about my night. I opened my own door and saw Rampage sprawled on the small couch. His arms folded over his chest, and his legs stretched out in front of him. He was asleep, and on the couch! I got the bed! I sat down long enough to take off one boot and laid down on the top of the bed for a second to relax before changing. That was the last thing I remember before falling into a peaceful sleep.

I woke up the next day to sun light on my face, I stretched happily and threw the covers off me. A glance at the clock informed me that it was almost noon. Wow, I never sleep this late on a Saturdaybut I should more often!

Grabbing my housecoat I went to the showers. Thankfully with no interruptions this time. Ruffling my hair with a towel I went into the kitchen, plugging the kettle in for some coffee. Going in the fridge I pulled out a grapefruit and began slicing it. Coating it with a layer of inch thick sugar, effectively destroying whatever healthy advantage this would have had over me. And made my coffee. Sitting down at the table I relaxed.

I heard a sound from behind me and I took a sip of the coffee.

"It's about time you listened to me."

"Uh, yeah. How was your date?"

I snorted and shook my head, "You don't want to know." Finishing off the fruit, I walked over to the computer, and logged in.

__

Hey, Lady V. How's your houseguest?

Sapphire? How did you know?

Well, Rampage was talking to us last night.

"You were what?!" I turned to look at the crab that was reading over my shoulder.

__

And what exactly did you all talk about?

We told him about Beast Wars, how it's a show. And how Megatron has his spark so he must be on his best behavior.

I paused. Then starting again. _Just who are we'?_

Uh, well. Me and Ajax. Starath and Michael. And Sinead and Donovan. Was all on when he was.

I groaned. Great, now crabby knows that he's a cartoon character. And that in the end he –

__

Sapphire, did you explain to him what happens at the end of the show?

"Yes, she did. While you were at school."

I jumped with a shriek, forgetting he was behind me. Is that why he didn't want me to leave? Was he scared to be alone?

"That's why you spared Depth Charge." I whispered, finally realizing the missing piece. He turned away. "You left him alive because you knew he'd come after you. You couldn't bare to be alone, so you left one friend alive to keep you company." The mass murderer was afraid of being left alone. But with his life it was a pretty fair assumption.

"He had what it took, I knew he'd come after me. I made sure of it." He still wouldn't look at me.

I'm sorry. But I didn't say it aloud, I didn't think he would like me to.

"Stop it!"

I stared at him, shocked. "I didn't do anything"

"No, but I can feel the pity and sympathy rolling off of you."

__

Lady V? You there? You're awfully quiet.

I watched my cursor blink, asking me to write. With a sigh I turned away from the crab and back to the screen.

__

I'm still here, how's your exams go?

I think I did really good on all but one.

I'm sure you aced them all, don't worry. I watched Rampage stalk away, bored with my conversation.

__

He's gone. Now I need to ask you what I'm going to do. I have no idea how I can keep him here. It's just so weird. And I think I just found something out about him that he didn't want me to.

Well, I think Rattrap has a confession to make. You see, while I was away, Rampage asked what would have made him be sent to you. And he told the truth.

I stared. Nonononononononono.please tell me he doesn't know how much I liked him!

__

How much is the truth?

He told him the link to my website, and the link to your part.

Is that all? Please tell me that's all.

Ermhe also explained about favorites.

Why me? As if things couldn't get any worse. He probably thinks I'm some love struck teen with a crush on him! I whined, this is really going to complicate things about how to deal with him. Which reminds me.

"Rampage!" I bellowed. When he reappeared from the kitchen, I pointed to the couch beside me. He took the hint and sat down.

"I think I may have a good punishment for you."

I allowed a small chuckle, and smirk. This'll be perfect!

"Have you ever heard of Richard Simmons?"


	5. Rampage Meets Brittany Spears

Note: _I claim no rights to Rampage or the Beast Wars. Nor do I claim rights to any of the authors mentioned in this story, and I don't even want to touch Brittany Spears! But I own me, my apartment (until a check bounces) and anything else not copyrighted!_

**** ****

Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!

Pt.5. Rampage is introduced to Brittany Spears

I walked down the hallway, and could hear cursing from the bathroom as my new houseguest tried once again to fit in the shower. Having a beast mode that was a water crustacean required him to have a ready source of water for when he got too hot. And I thought he was just always out looking Depth Charge out there.

I knocked on the door, "You okay in there?" I couldn't suppress my giggles. The first time I had found him in there was comical. His crab legs were caught in the curtain rod and his horn things were tangled up in the curtain itself. We had to buy a new shower curtain because he'd ripped the old one to shreds every time he got in there.

"This isn't humorous!" I laughed harder, knowing he could feel my mirth. Opening the door I peeked in, and stared in shock.

"How on earth did you manage that?!"

Rampage had wedged himself squarely in the rectangle shower stall that substituted for a bathtub. With his crab legs at the breaking point against the wall, his arms locked at his sides, the water running full blast over his body (and it was ice cold I might add) and for some reason that he still won't tell me, his feet weren't touching the floor. He had wedged himself up in the air, and was now stuck. 

"Did I ask you to come in here?" He glared at me. He actually glared at me and refused my help, I shrugged. Fine, if ol' crabby wanted to stay stuck in the shower then let em. He can deal with Michelle or Cheets when they get home and want to use our only bathroom.

I leaned up against the door, watching him squirm, literally. He only managed to get himself stuck further. I tried my hardest to look stern, but I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips.

"Are – are you sure you don't want any help with that?" I offered.

Another glare, some more shifting, and then; "All right, fine."

Rubbing my hands together, I approached him. "Have you tried transforming?" 

"Yes, but I stopped because I didn't think you wanted a bigger room."

Oh, crap. 

"Uhh, well are those things detachable?" I said, pointing to his legs. "Or can they at least fold up?"

"No."

Ummwell, what could work?

I clapped my hands, "I got it. Stay put I'll be right back!"

"Where the slag am I going to go?" I heard him call out after me. Good point.

I grabbed what I needed from the kitchen and ran back. "This should work!" I began to pour some of the oil around his segmented legs, moving them the few millimeters that they could to cover them with the oil. When half of his body had been covered, and nothing left in the bottle, I stepped back.

"Okay, that should do it! Try to move forward." There was a second hesitation as he grunted against the strain and then pop! I had a free crab!

"Now what?" He wasn't as happy as I would've been.

"I'm covered in oil, now how do I get clean, because I've had it with your miniature cleaning instruments!"

MCI? Heh, I like it!

"Wellbesides the pool, I don't know where else to take you. It's way to cold for the ocean."

"Pool? You have a pool?"

I glanced at him, still trying to think. "Yeah, just down the street at a hotel. I have forty free passes." I realized what he was thinking. "They'll never let me in there again if I bring you! You're covered in oil and you'd totally destroy the pool!"

He tried to give me an innocent look. Which is just about as scary as his smile. I mean, I didn't think his eyes could _go_ that wide!

"Alright, alright! Just please stop looking at me like that! Let me go grab my swimsuit, maybe the hot tub is working."

Once outside I became aware of just how huge Rampage actually was. There was no way he could fit inside the small two- door car of mine. So I was thankful that the hotel was only a five minute walk away from the apartments.

We walked into the main lobby, I went to the front desk, waved my pool pass, and was given the electric card to get me inside. For a pool, they really shouldn't give out anything magneticespecially the way anything technological just _loves_ me.

"Alright, there's the pool, there's the sauna, and behind those large plastic curtains is the hot tub. Which is where I'll be."

He nodded and went toward the pool, I moved aside the large plastic curtain that keeps all the heat and steam in and slowly crept into the tub. Mmmm.I love swimming, but this is soo much better. I heard the curtain drawn aside and I opened an eye, thinking Rampage wanted something. Instead I watched as another woman walked up beside me.

"Hey,"

I nodded and waved. Talking gets in the way of simmering, so I hoped that she got the hint.

"Your boyfriend is quite the swimmer."

Mywhat? I looked out through the window that adjoins the pool and hot tub and watched as Rampage lapped the large pool, never missing a stroke. Man, he is fast! I settled down again as he started on lap teen something. 

"He's not my boyfriend."

"That's good to hear." 

I opened my eyes again to see her better. She was probably my age or a year or so older. And way to bright blonde hair (the color belongs on Storm!) Very thin, and wearing a tiny little blue bikini. And she was perky.

"Uh, why?"

"'Cause. Now he's fair game."

Catty much?

"Uh, listen. You don't want to go after that one. He's not your type."

"Oh," I heard splashing as she moved closer, "And just what is his type?"

I opened my eyes, and had to stop myself from growling. "Not. You."

She giggled and leaned back again. "Whatever you say."

I heard the plastic move aside as another person entered the room.

"Is everything alright? You seem extremely upset."

Damn empaths! 

"I'm fine."

I heard him stand still for a minute, probably wondering about the Barbie beside me and finally leave. I heard a splash as he jumped back into the pool. Man, is that all he does? Standing I leaned over the edge to get out of the hot tub and maybe go for a dip in the pool. But my leg got caught up in something and I fell the rest of the way down, flat on my face.

"Oh dear, are you all right?"

After removing my butt from the air, I stood up and glared at her. That little little oh!

"I'm fine." I smiled through clenched teeth, grabbing my towel from one of the chairs I made my way out to the pool. I deposited the towel on another chair and was about to jump in when I heard a splash beside me. I looked over to see that Barbie had slipped in' the pool and was trying to get crabby to help her.

I watched as he easily maneuvered around her flailing body and continued with his laps. Not even flinching. I grinned down at her as she stopped and pouted. She went over t the ladder and stood at the edge of the pool, preparing to dive in. I moved my towel and sat back, glad to have a show.

"Excuse me sir,"

"His name is Raphael." I offered. She glared at me, matter of fact, so did Raph.

"Excuse me _Raphael_, but I was wondering if you could show me how to dive?"

He stopped his laps and stared at her, then to me. I merely shrugged. Hey, if the Barbie wanted lessons from a killer, let her.

"Fine, hold on."

Untold pounds of dripping wet metal toward over her, and all she saw was a cute man in wet shorts. Fluffball.

"First, bend over," He instructed, making sure to stay away from her.

"Like this?"

I snorted, yeah if you want to touch your toes.

"No, a little higher."

"Like this?" 

Oh Goddess, can her voice be any more annoying?

"Maybe if you helped me?"

It can.

I watched as he moved over and positioned her the right way, and I felt a possessive feeling come over me as he helped her. Oh, sure the first time he meets me, it's killey, killey. When he meets an innocent fluff ball hardly even worth his time, he stops to help her!

I watched as she successfully dived into the water. And I ignored the glance sent my way by both human and crab alike. Standing I had had enough and ran toward the pools edge.

"CANNONBALL!"

Okay, so it was immature, and I was a little brutal when I accidentally' kicked her in the shins. But hey. That was my killer crab she was flirting with!

What a tick! Did I just say _my_ crab?

D'oh! I went to the ladder and climbed out, grabbing my towel I went for the sauna. Besides, the pool was way to cold anyway after simmering for a good fifteen minutes. Lying down on the top board, I watched for a few minutes through the small window in the wooden door as Rampage helped' Barbie with some more swimming lessons. Breathing deep I closed my eyes and felt myself relaxing in the warm, steamy goodness.

__

Poke. Pokepoke. I swatted the fly away. _Poke. Pokepokepoke._ Damn bug was big. I reached out and slapped it. And my hand connected painfully with metal.

OW! Owie

"I thought you were sleeping."

"Got any more astute observations Watson?" He stared at me for a second, obviously this crab didn't know about anything human.

"Don't worry, you'd be more of a Sherlock person. He was addicted to Heroin and Opium."

He shook his head and threw my towel at me. "Come on we're leaving."

I grinned nastily, "Why, was the little Barbie too much for you?"

He held out a card with a phone number on it. "Lady Venom, what's this? And what does it say?"

I took the card, the writing was pretty bad, but I deciphered it to say, Met me at 55 MacNeil Drive at eight tonight'

I looked back over at the curious crab, "'Page did you say anything, or imply at all that you would like to see this woman again?"

"No! All I remember is that she said it would be fun to do this again sometime, and I said yeah right, in your dreams. And then she squealed and gave me this."

"I smacked my forehead. "Crabby, you just made yourself a date with this fluff ball."

He balked, "I did no such thing! I would not go out with her if she had my spark in a cylinder filled with razor blades!"

Hooboy. "Did she mention what you would be doing?"

"Yeah," Another curious look. "Who's Brittany Spears?"

The BS concert tonight! Hmmmaybe this could turn into my favorI am in no way a fan of her, and quite frankly I think her initials spell out her singing. But, I _am_ one who doesn't let go of grudges easily. And he got off kinda easy with Richard Simmon workouts.

"Rampage, I think you got your self a date!"

He stared at me wide eyed, "I don't bloody well think so!" Heeheeheehe's copying me.

"I think you are forgetting about the first day you showed up. You do remember that, don't you?" He did, I know he did, and probably wished he didn't.

I linked arms with him as we left, "Crabby, tonight you meet Brittany Spears, live in concert!" 

TBC


	6. Clothes Anyone?

****

Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!

Pt.6

Clothes Anyone?

Disclaimer: _I own me._

Back at the apartment, Rampage still didn't know what the big deal was over this 'Brittany Spears'.

"And I doubt that she is a reincarnated bride of Chucky, whoever that is."

Chucky! Man, I really needed to introduce crabby to pop culture, and soon!

"Chucky was a very evil man whose spirit has been trapped inside an ugly little doll. And he goes on lots of bloody killing sprees because no one suspects the grinning, inanimate doll wielding a butchers knife."

I threw the last item from my closet to the large pile behind me on the floor. Nothing! You think Jonathan would've left at least a shirt over here! But nooo. The little bugger leaves only the gross things, like socks. Which I still think have something growing on them.

"What are you doing anyway?"

I turned my head to see the king of lazy propped up on my bed, back against the wall, the T.V remote in one hand, a can of Vanilla Coke in the other, and a bowl of popcorn in his lap.

" 'Page, please don't make a mess in m-"

I glared as he shoved a handful of the overly buttered food in his mouth (mandibles?) and a shower of crumbs fell all around him. And grinned at me evilly, as he shoved in another mouthful. 

Calm thoughtscalm thoughtsscrew it

"Listen up you over grown lawn mower! If you do not stop stuffing your face, you are going to the first human looking robot that actually looks his weight in fat!"

He stared at me for a moment, and I could tell that his mind was processing the information, and I think I could see the light bulb come on.

I sighed, "Just how are we to dress you anyway? You look like a human. But you're a robotand a big one at that."

"So maybe I don't need to change."

That'strue! When we went to the pool, he appeared to have swimming trunks on, and he always seemed to have different clothes on in front of Michelle and Cheetra. So maybe if I make him think of what he's suppose to wear he'll have them on!

Too much thinking for one day

" Alright Emperor, time to go test this theory."

"Emperor? Will you stop flinging your human customs at me, and stick to plan English!"

Whatever"You're the Emperor, and I'm the tailor and you're going to be wearing invisible clothes!" When he stared at me blankly, I grabbed his arm and hauled him to the living room.

Michelle was at the computer, working on her X-Men web site. Which reminded me I have a Yaoi story she wanted me to give her soon.

Okay, time to test the theory. I looked over at Rampage, imagined how he was suppose to look like as a human, and then imagined what type of clothes would look good on him.

"Hey Elle, how does Raph look?"

She turned from in the chair to look at him, a sly smile spreading across her mouth.

"He looks very"

Er "Punkish? What do you mean? What's wrong?"

She got up and began to stare at him. She reminded me of a vulture or someone inspecting cattle.

"Well, the baggy jeans are the first clue, the multiple pockets, and chain are a given for punk. And I mean, come on, what are you two thinking putting him in an AC/DC t shirt for a Brittany Spears concert?"

I looked at 'Page. AC/DC? Really? HmmBarbie probably hasn't even heard of them. Although they rock way better than Brittany Spears!

"Okay, back in a second," Beckoning him over, we went back over to my room. After quarter backing my clothes back into the closet in a heap, I looked over at the robot.

"So, bottoms are good, the top has to go."

*sigh * Just once I'd like to see what he'd look like human

"How about, a plain white t shirt? With maybe a small hoop earring?"

"Earring? What's that?"

I brushed aside my hair and pointed to my own three in the left ear.

"That's an earring, very sexy on guysbut not really a must." 

"Must I go to this 'concert'? Why can't you go as well?"

Such politeness! Something's wrong, he was only this nice when he was about to do something evil or destructive.

"Alright, whaddya want? You have to leave soon anyway." Yea, we still have to figure out how to fit him in the cab.

What? You think I'd let crabby drive _my_ car? Psh, dream on!

"Can't I just, oh I don't knowNOT show up!?"

Eep! "No yelling! This is an apartment you nimrod!" 

"So? What're you going to do while I'm away anyway? You could come with and-"

"And what? Chaperone? I don't bloody well think so! You think I'd spend _that_ much money to watch a girl lip synch? Come on, suck it up and go on a date like the rest of us have to!"

I stood up and checked my watch; we had only twenty minutes left before he had to leave.

"Okay, you're going to wear a white shirt, plain anda silver hoop in one ear."

Stop drooling girlyou don't even know if he looks good in that! Damn imaginationI oughta smack you!

"Fine."

"Come on, we have to call a cab." I grabbed his arm and yanked him to his feet. Bringing him out to the kitchen, where I called my favorite cabby.

Going into my purse I grabbed my wallet and pulled out a twenty.

"If you need more than this, you're buying too much." And with that helpful wisdom. We left to wait for the cab.

At the last minute I turned to him, hoping to pound in some last common sense. Literally if need be.

"**First rule**: Whatever she wants you do that involves touching her is wrong. **Second rule**: Don't touch her anywhere but her handanywhere else and you are either very easy, or very perverted. **Third rule**: No souvenirs. No drinking liquor, and pleasefor the love of Gods, don't kill anyone!"

He stared at me," So what am I _suppose_ to do on a date?"

Ermnot thisyou can dance, talk, listen to the music... and that's about it. Get it, got it, good, because here's your cab. Use the money I gave you to pay for it. Do you have her addy?"

"33 McNeil Drive?"

"Yuppers." Woahdid I actually say that?

I watched as he squished himself into the cab, before I turned and went back inside.

"Call for ya."

I picked up the phone.

"Hey babe,"

"Don't call me that."

"Whatever, can you come over here tonight? I've got a surprise for you."

"Uh, yeah sure. I'll be over in a few."

"Come over in about an hour."

"Uh, okaywhy an hour?"

"So I can tidy things up, I was looking for something, and I made a huge mess."

I smiled, that sounded like him. "Sure." 

I hung up, and went to check myself over in the mirror. Feeling that I looked good enough, I grabbed the keys off the counter and left.

"Oh, come ondon't stallyes!"

I hate my junk pile reject of a car. 

I went to the mall to grab a cup of coffee before going overbut I was bored stiff, and figured that I had waited long enough. Besides, I could always help him clean up.

I pulled up into the driveway, and opened the door. I never knocked when at his house. I never really need too; it was just him in a two-story house. And he never complained about it.

"Jonathan? Where are you?"

The hallway lights were on, so I went toward the T.V room. Nothing. Going upstairs, I heard the sound of a television from his room. Opening the door I planned on running and jumping on his bed to surprise him.

I should have known good things never last.

I grabbed the nearest thing and biffed it at him. "You two timing little whore!" The book missed him by an inch. The little brunette glared at me, and put Jonathan in front of her for protection.

Oooohhhjust wait till I'm finished with them

I walked over, and Jonathan was spouting off something or other. Quite frankly I didn't understand why he even bothered to defend himself.

"Oh bugger off you little wanker!" I shouted at him. "Is this why I couldn't come over? Is this what you were _searching_ for?" I sneered.

And this folksis why you should never screw around with losers like him.

I watched for a moment as Jonathan pulled me out of the room while his other girlfriend got dressed.

"Why didn't you knock? Why are you here so early?" 

"Why the fuck are you turning this on me?! IJesus! Howyou little prick!"

I hauled off and punched him across the jaw, and hurt my arm in the process because he was taller than me. It was enough to send him back into the wall, which made the pain dull. If he was in pain, all the better.

I heard the little thing cry out as she watched me try to attack her lover. I was about to turn on her when Jonathan wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up. Damnit I hate being small! Taking me downstairs I tried to get away, but the little bugger was too strong.

"Screw this, I've had enough crap to deal with, and being short a boyfriend will suit me just fine." I told him once he had sat me down outside.

Just before he went inside, I screamed back at him.

"I HOPE YOU GET HERPIES!"

Sitting inside the car, I breathed deep a few times before pounding my head against the steering wheel.

"I. Hate. Life. I. Hate. Hasbro. I. Hate Jonathan."

Turning the car on, I decided to drive around for the next few hours until I had calmed down. I didn't want to go home like this to any one. Let alone an empath. Besides, no one will expect me home until later anyway. It was Saturday, and I was usually out late.

By the time I had come home, the dashboard clock read at midnight. 'Page should be home. If I were lucky he'd be asleep.

Walking inside, I was glad to see that no one was on the computer, sitting down I turned on MSN and Yahoo both. Finding only Starath the one to still be up with the time difference.

__

Do you think if I send him back courtesy of C.O.D, they'll take him? I wrote, not wanting to wake anyone up with the mic.

__

Why? What happened? You okay; you don't look so good.

Drat, some one had left the cam on, and I hadn't even noticed the small movie of me in the corner.

__

Nuthin' How's Megs?

Okay, he's asleep right now. He tried to do the laundrythe results were fun.

I laughed, I bet they were! I yawned. Damn, emotional overloads can make a person tired.

__

I'm going to turn in for the night. I'll talk to you guys in the morning.

Okay, *** **hugs * bye!

Later I signed off and shuffled down the hall to my room, where soft snoring could be heard. 

Good, at least he's asleep.

Climbing in between the comforters, I thought about next week, and how it was Valentine's Day and I would be alone once again. I sighed. We had only been dating for less then a year and againsomething stupid happened. I sniffled, and became angry.

I mean, why should I cry over that little turd anyway? Dammit!

"Lady Venom? Is something wrong?"

"No, go back to sleep."

A pause, I could hear him moving aside the blankets from his bed on the couch.

"By the Pit something isn't wrong."

I wiped away a tear. "So what if it isn'twhy should you care."

"I don't, but I'll never be able to sleep until you calm down. The emotions are rolling off of you."

I grabbed my pillows and throw blanket and stood up. "Fine, I'll go sleep on the couch so you can get the rest you so richly deserve. And you can tell me in the morning how the concert went."

Throwing the pillows down, I fell face first on top of them. Moving only a little to let air into my lungs. Gahthis has been one loong day

TBC

__

Okay, next chapter will be from Rampage's point of view, about the night of the concert. So you all can see how he did on his first 'date'! ^_^ I can't wait to read it either! 


	7. Why won't some one tell me who this 'Spe

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Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!

Pt. 7

Why won't some one tell me who this 'Spears' Is?!

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(Rampage's perspective)

Note: _Apparently I must say this, I am owned by Hasbro (first Omicron, then Megatron, now these idiots). Brittany Spears owns herself and ' Lucky' and 'I'm a Slave 4 U'. Lady Venom owns herself. This is my recounting of my first 'date'._

I watched Lady Venom from the cab. Still unsure about how I wound up in this mess, after all I never wanted a date, and she was adamant that I have it. Why are humans so fickle? 

"Where to buddy?"

Huh? Oh, right the address. "Uhm, 33 McNeil Drive, do you know where it is?"

"Oh yea, sure, that's just down the road."

I sat in uncomfortable silence, my large frame cramped in this tiny mode of transportation. We pulled to a stop in front of a large dwelling colored white and blue; an awful color in my opinion. The driver honked the horn for me since I didn't think that I would be able to get back in after climbing out. I watched the door open as she pranced out.

She was dressed in a small black shirt that tastelessly showed her middle, and I couldn't understand why she had an 'earring' in her midsection. Her bottom half was clothed in a flashy, skintight black cloth. I had seen few humans on Omicron, and none had looked like she had. But I had seen some like her on the television. But the redheaded friend of Lady Venom had called them a very odd name what was it?

She opened the door and sat down beside me, instantly winding her arm through mine.

"I'm sooo glad that you came! I've got front row tickets too! We might even get an autograph!"

That must have been a good thing, because her emotions were sickeningly high.

"Uh, yeagreat."

"How do I look? Do you like? I went to a lot of trouble over it."

"You looklike a hooker?" That was the word! Wonder what it means 

She pulled back to look at me, and I could hear the driver stifle some laughter.

"You you think I look like a hooker?!" 

I winced at the high pitched voice. By the Pit, even the widows' laugh never reached that pitch.

I watched her sputter for a moment before laughing it off and settling back down on my arm. If it weren't for that blasted purple tyrant still holding my spark, I would have rid myself of all the nuisances of this world a hundred times over. But as it were, I was stuck in a cab with a girl named Tiffany, whom Lady Venom had dubbed, 'The Barbie'.

Not that Lady Venom was a normal name either, she must have another, more human name. I should remember to ask her what it is later. I listened to Tiffany tell the driver where to go, and as we pulled up to the large open building. I could already feel the many different people around me. The many tastes, and smells. Fear, joy, many were indescribable through all that they were feeling. Including my date.

Grabbing my arm (I am tired of people weaker than me doing that, but went nonetheless), she pulled me inside. Clipping a tag of some sort to my chest, or no doubt the clothes that she saw. The large man stopped me by the door, looking me over, I could tell he didn't like me, even without being an empath. Tiffany said something to him, and we were admitted inside. The noise was deafening as we pushed our way to the front of the room.

I looked around, if we were here. Then where was this 'Brittany Spears'? I looked at Tiffany for a clue, but some thing on the large podium captivated her. I looked in the same direction and watched as a thin blonde woman walked out in a tiny, tiny top and a small warp around her bottom half.

Was this the famed 'Brittany Spears'? Hah! She looked like only a shadow of a normal human. She had a contraption around her head and over her mouth. And when she opened her mouth to say something, more shouts drowned her out. Tiffany grabbed my arm, jumping up and down, screaming nonsense in my ear.

When the crowd finally did quiet down enough to hear the person they had come to see, the music finally reached me, and it sounded odd. Not like the music had heard on Omicron, or in any of the bars on Cybertron. The lyrics were different, and didn't hold much meaning. But yet, this one woman had been able to make herself become an idol of worship amongst the younger generation.

I stood silently, trying to pick out the words of this one song.

__

Every morning she wakes up and chomp chomp chomps on the door.

Its time for 'chew toy' crooked smile.

It's you they orthodontist waited for.

She's so bucky. She's a squirrel.

This cannot be what made the fans love her. I must be hearing this wrong. But then again, with words such as this, it would explain why Lady Venom doesn't care for her.

I froze as Tiffany hugged onto me; this was one of the rules that I was supposed to be abiding by. But then again, I could have killed her on the way here and broken that rule too. But I was having too much fun taunting and teasing my keeper. She was much more easily doped, and more interesting than the others that have tried to rule my life. She never once called me a freak, nor did she ever try to control me unless of course, I did something she disapproved of. But that was lessening as she grew to tolerate me.

Slag, what is wrong with this woman?! 

I looked down as her hand began to go places I doubted Lady Venom would want them to go. I reached down and quickly placed her hand in mine to stop her. She seemed content, for now.

We stood for three more songs before there was an intermission, which was fine with me because Tiffany had trying to coax me into dancing. Something I didn't want to do after witnessing others dancing. The way they moved, it seemed as though many were having spasms.

The silence was deafening in my audios. I had turned them down until they were almost off in an attempt to drown out the infernal singing. Which meant that I didn't hear what she had said.

"Hey, Raphael! Did you want to get me a soda please?"

I looked down at the money I had in my hands; I had no idea what the currency was in this place, so I handed her the paper. She looked at it, then back up at me. A frown sitting predominately on her mouth.

"You aren't going to get it for me?"

I sighed; I really did not feel like leaving her. I had no idea where the concession stand was.

"Fine. Give me the money!" I snatched it back; barely hearing her yell out a Pepsi before the music came back on.

__

I would slaaaay for you

I'm a slag for you

I shook my head. Humans must really learn how to sing good songs; they have no idea what they're missing. 

After looking over some heads I found what I was looking for. Not wanting to get back into the large army of idiots, I took my time, allowing others in front of me (or, ignoring them so they went in front of meeither way, it bought me some time). Finally though, I overheard someone mention this being the last song. Grabbing the Pepsi and a Coke for myself I ploughed my way through the crowd to Tiffany. She took the pop gratefully, probably never realizing the about of time I had been gone.

"Wow, I can't believe that it's over! I had such a good time!"

We were outside in the cold night air, waiting for our taxi, and Tiffany sat by the exit, avidly watching the closed door.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked curiously, coming up behind the blonde.

"I'm waiting for Brittany Spears, I want to get an autograph! Don't you?" Her petite face turned up toward me, and I couldn't help but wonder why a woman the same age as Lady Venom acted completely different. They were 

like fire and water.

A roar from behind me drowned out my train of thoughts as the doors 

Tiffany had been watching opened up to reveal young human males looking into the crowd grim faced. The blonde Brittany standing between them. Tiffany shrieked and plunged her herself past the barricade, waving around a pen and paper like a maniac.

I watched her get her autograph, unimpressed. If she ever really did want to impress me, acting like a mech. child was not doing it.

"I got it!" She shoved the crinkled piece of paper in my face, absolutely thrilled by the fact that someone had made some lines on a piece of paper just for her.

"Good, here's our Taxi, get it."

She slid in without complaint, and I looked over the front seat in an attempt to check the time.

It was eleven thirty. Lady Venom should still be awake by the time I get back. And she'll undoubtedly want to hear about how everything went.

I think my growling scared her... Good...all these happy emotions were seriously getting on my nerves.

As the cab slowed to a stop outside her dwelling, she leaned over to me.

"I want to thank you for a really great time." She whispered. What was she doing?

"Uh, yeah... goodnight." I tried to backup but she leaned in when I moved. 

Primus! Can't this little blob of flesh take the hint?

Finally, she pouted, "What? No goodnight kiss?"

......WHAT?!

"You can take that idea with you down to the Inferno! Now get out!"

I laughed when I saw the tears well up in her eyes. Humans _were_ more fun to tease. They had less control of their emotions like the 'bots I knew.

I made the driver stay put until she went into the house. 

Hahaahaaahahahah........ By the Pit it has been some time since I had this much fun! Albeit it is not physical pain or fear. But emotional pain is just as good!

Using the left over money to pay the man, I left for the apartment. 

Thankfully Lady Venom had given me her spare key to let me inside. Coming down the hallway I smelled a delicious aroma and realized just how hungry I was. Opening the door I spotted Lady Venom's dark haired friend, Michelle cooking something in a pan.

Leaning over her shoulder I inhaled deeply, it smelled wonderful!

"You want some? I had made enough for three, but LV got called over to Jonathan's' house. So you can have her half."

Jonathan? Hmm... It was almost midnight. But why should I care? I am not her keeper.

"I was hungry, and decided to reheat some. But you probably haven't eaten yet have you? I didn't think so. Here, hand me that plate will ya Raph?"

Grr...I will never get use to that name!

I handed her the p, and she plate and she spooned some of the mixture onto it for me. Taking a smaller portion for herself. Sitting down, I finished up the meatless meal, remembering that this friend was the animal lover.

At midnight I went into the room the room Lady Venom and I now shared, making myself comfortable on the large sofa. Shortly after, I heard Lady Venom tip toe inside. But I could tell even from the hallway that she was distressed. And slag if I didn't hear her crying into her pillow.

"Lady Venom? Is something wrong?"

"No, go back to sleep."

Right, like I could do that with an emotional woman lying next to me. I pulled aside the covers, preparing to turn on the light when her sudden fear stopped me.

"By the Pit something isn't wrong!" Why did she try to lie? She knew I would know.

"So what if it isn't.... Why should you care?"

"I don't, but I'll never be able to sleep until you calm down. The emotions are rolling off of you."

Damned females...

I listened as she sat up, and threw off the blankets. I could barely see her profile as she stared at me angrily.

"Fine, I'll go sleep on the couch so you can get the rest you so richly deserve. And you can tell me in the morning how the concert went."

I listened to her leave. Why should I care, let her deal with it.... The more concerned she was about something other than me...the more freedom I had!

TBC


	8. He's HUMAN!

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Tests, Quiz's, Robots and Killers oh My!

**pt.8**

****

He's......human?

Note: _I_ _don't own makeawish.com...Ivyna does I think...I don't own Michelle, Cheetra or Starath (realized that I didn't say that before.... sorry Starath!) Don't own Hasbro (I'd kill myself if I did) uhhh..... I own my clothes my depression and me...oh, and I don't own Rampage...can I own his hot body though?_

__

~*~~*~~

I rolled over on my bed in the living room, and crunched my arm under me when I fell off.

Oww....

Rubbing my bruised arm, and still feeling angry and self-pitying from the previous night, I made my way to the kitchen only to realize that I wasn't hungry. Turning face I came back out and plopped down onto the blankets on the couch. Grabbing the remote I turned on the television, unfortunately the only thing on at this unruly hour of the morning was reruns.

"Oh yeah? Well you can bloody well f*beeeep*k off!" Mr. Osborne yelled at his daughter, who proceeded to scream at her heroine addicted father in a language that made even me blush. I turned it off and simply stared off into space, my teenage althzeimers brain slowly kickstarting to life. Glancing at the watch on my wrist I found it to be eight in the bloody morning. Once again, lets say it all together now kiddies...

I Hate My Life.

"Lady Venom?"

Nurgh? I turned around to see Rampage standing in the hallway entrance, looking over to me.

"Will you stop doing that? How many times have I told you about that smile?!" I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. But the damned robot caught it before it came even to close to connecting with him. Sprawling back on the couch I groaned, a whole week! The red immortal had been with me a whole week, with no signs of wanting to leave. Sure, I liked him, he was my favorite, and although my first encounter with him was certainly memorable, that by no means was an indication for him to become a permanent houseguest! 

Hell, Megatron would have been easier to handle, just point him in the direction of the local gangs with a few choice instructions...Or Inferno, minus the flame-throwers. Or Transmetal II Dinobot....

Okay, maybe not so much Dinobot, but hey, that laser eye thing could really help with my cooking!

A little magic wand sound startled me.

"You've got mail."

I slunk down even further amongst the blankets. "I don't want it, send it back." I whined, but I pulled myself over to the desk nonetheless... whoa, that rhyme was so not planned, I swear!

I was about to go to the computer when Rampage beat me to it and sat down in the chair, opening my mail.

"Hey! You cretin!! Does it look like it's for you?" When he refused to acknowledge me, I settled for leaning over his shoulder since I didn't have the morning strength to fight him.

"Hey, this email is from Hasbro. Why would they email you?"

I started to push him out of the chair, "Well if you would just move over!" I said in between grunts. Trying to move the large immovable object in my way. I guess he tired of the game because he decided to move suddenly, causing me to fall and skid across the chair, leaving my legs and arms dangling off each end.

"Thank you _very_ much you...you...ah my brain is to tired to insult."

I began to read the letter, the very looong letter Hasbro had sent me. I'll give you a shortened version. Mainly because I believe Hasbro prolonged it for the pure reason of torturing me with political babble_._

__

Dear Ms. Venom

__

We at Hasbro have realized that we sent Protoform X to you without any supervision...and have to come to realize that you may be in danger from said robot...So, to make him more manageable and less destructive, we have located a website that can help you... It is called makeawish.com....

__

After much discussion, we have made the wish that Protoform X will now become human, and thus, less harmful, whenever you wish it...All you need do is simply envision said robot as human, and he will become as you see in your mind.... We apologize for any inconvenience or deaths this might have caused.

__

Sincerely,

Hasbro

......................O.o...................Rampage......can become human?........

"Lady Venom, I don't care for what you're feeling."

Hehehehehe........He can become human!....... A hot human.....

Now, normally, many teenage girls who would have a hot African -American in their home would want to take him out and try to date him, and show him off to their girlfriends (whataminute, sorry folks, that's any hot guy!) 

Wanna know the only thing I could think of?

Ack! Stop with the X-rated thoughts you pervs!

Revenge! Namely on a certain overly tattooed ex boyfriend of mine......

I turned to Rampage, who was watching me with a mix of curiosity and....was that fear I saw?......Ohh.....He has no idea......Okay, picture him human.... Picture him human........

I opened one eye and saw.....Rampage......still robotic.........

"What the frell? Why aren't you human?!"

"I don't know, why aren't you robotic?"

O.o....." Is that the best insult you can come up with?" Maybe if I think really hard...Opening my eyes again I saw once again .... nothing ...... goddammit! "Why aren't you human yet, the blasted email said it would work!" 

"What was the name of the place Hasbro used again?"

"Uh...makeawish.com.....But I don't feel like going online to find it...third times a charm, right?"

Think human.... Think human......think human....

"Did it work, are you human yet?" I refused to open my eyes until I was sure.

I heard a soft sigh, "Lady Venom, I think we need to have a talk."

"Huh, why?" I looked at him, and nearly died of shock.

In front of me stood a light creamy chocolate colored man of about twenty. Hair close cropped and black on his head....ohh...curly.....He was still taller than I was...but that was a given since everyone is taller than I am.....Damn growth stunt.....He was of medium build, but he lacked the tattoo that Cheetra had seen on him earlier, which was nice, since I refuse to see tattoos of any kind since Jonathan. I then realized that he only wearing boxer shorts. Tight boxer shorts.....

"AHHH!" I turned around and covered my eyes, feeling suddenly very young and foolish.... Talk.... talk?.... Ohhh dear...I hated having the talk... now I have to _give_ the talk....

"Birds and bees can wait for later.... Just do me a favor and don't... Touch anything on you ......"

He immediately removed his hand from his earlobe and looked at me. Ye Gods his eyes! They were green, but almost transparent.... Like watered down grass on a summer day......I stared at his eyes for a minute before snapping out of my stupor.....Of course the pinch I gave myself helped....

"Are...you still able to sense emotions?"

He watched me for a second, before blushing inadvertently..........aw man....he can!

"Well, whatever you feel is not what I _should_ be feeling. So ignore it."

I grabbed his arm, and began to lead him to my room. I needed to get him fully dressed before the others woke up. I had one male outfit that just might fit him...I had found a few items in the male section I shop in and bought them because women clothes really suck compared to all the cool designs men get.

I located the shiny dragon print button up shirt and baggy cargo pants; tossing them at him I looked away.

"Alright, put those on and let me know if they fit alright."

I heard the rustling of clothes, and felt myself seeing his half-naked body aga....OUCH!......I pinched myself again......Hmm....no wonder the Barbie liked h....OUCH! I'm gonna have a bruise there before the day is out....stupid teenage hormones........

"I'm done."

I turned to look at him, everything fit him snug, which was nice, but apparently the shirt was to small to close around his broad chest...so it was left open.......Whoooaaa....clean up the drool girl!.......You can not go gaga over a robot turned human that a television broadcasting system sent to live with you.....hmmm.... I have the makings of my very own soap opera...' Coming up next, what happens when Lady Venom falls for her charge after he's turned human. Can she resist his charm? All this and more on The Twisted Lives of Fanfic Writers' Yeeeeaaaa.... Like that'll sell......

Then again.....OUCH!! Goddammit!

"Why are you hurting yourself?"

Stupid emapths, stupid mind, stupid imagination...stupid Hasbro....

"No reason."

TBC


	9. Question: How Do You Kill an Immortal?

****

Question: How Do You Kill an Immortal?

I watched Rampage fidget for the umpteenth time in his clothes. He was closely inspecting his newfound flesh covering beside me.

"Will you stop that!?" I yelled, swatting away his hand from my hair. "What is so fascinating about my hair?"

He felt the fluff on his own head, then pointed to my chin length 'do.

"Why is your longer? Why did I not have longer hair?"

I sighed and ran a hand over my eyes to diminish the headache that was forming. 

"Look, I _could_ have given you longer hair, but that would only entice me into yanking on it in anger."

"And why would you do that?" He scoffed.

I smiled ruefully, "It's a girl thing."

Leaning back in his chair he watched me at the computer for a moment straightening up and looking around.

"Where are the other humans?"

"Erm'Elles probably still asleep since it's not eleven yet, and Cheets left for work before you woke up."

"Do you not work today? It is a non school day isn't it?"

I pulled up a new window, typing in my destination, "Yea, but I don't work until 'till 4:30 today."

I watched as MakeAWish.com appeared in all its misleading generic website glory.

"Is that it?"

"I think solemme double check."

Going through the side bar I found what I thought to be the wish engine. Clicking on it redirected me to a simple form to fill out including name, email and wish.

A wish of my own? Ohh. How about for Jonathan to get scabies? Or crabs? Nah, too privateI need something embarrassing, something to satisfy my craving for payback. Somethingbut what.

I just realized I sound like a cheap movie villain. cool.

I heard crabby chuckle beside me.

"Whatever you're thinking, I like it."

I'm sure you would and I think I'd like it too, if I knew what it wasThe worst part of payback is originality. Makes you wonder exactly for whom the bitch part was meant.

"Maybe I could have her leave him"

"Leave who?"

. crap 

"Thinking up some revenge for Johnny boy."

Hnh? I haven't seen him this happy since hmmcan't say I _have_ seen him this happy since I told him how Tarantulas died in the show.

"Does he have any close family near by?"

"We are not killing anyone Rampage."

His features darkened, "You want revenge, do you not?"

"Rampage," I warned. "Nobody is going to be getting killed. Is that clear?"

He glared, but nodded. "Transparently."

"Good, oh and that includes torture, maiming and other forms of mutilation."

'Kayhe's scary when he's pissed.

"HHey! Where d'ya think you're going?" I asked when he stood up.

He looked down at me, then away. Refusing to answer for a second, as if trying his damndest to try my patience.

"I'm going to use your waste reciprocal if you must know."

The waste recipriwhata?

"D'you mean the bathroom? Jeez, just say so next time."

"I thought I did." He replied gruffly, before stalking down the hall.

I wonder if this site can make my new roomie less murderous?

"Hey luv, whatcha doing?"

I looked over at Michelle's bleary-eyed expression and rolled my eyes, "It's ten thirty in the morning! And you're just now waking up?"

She smiled back wanly; "Not all of us are morning people."

Standing I moved into the kitchen, putting on a fresh pot of coffee while I left to get dressed, but not before leaving specific instructions to not touch the computer until I came back.

"That's quite a wish Raph."

I froze in the middle of the hallway, hearing Michelle's sentence and the reply. In an instant I bolted down the small distance left, coming to a halt behind the two at the computer. I reached down and grabbed 'Raph' by the collar and hauled him up to his feetwhich is kind of hard to do since he's taller that me, which left my arm up still holding on to the collar of the open shirt.

I suddenly wished that I had reconsidered the long hair.

"What did you wish for?" I whispered, using every ounce of willpower not to shake the immortal senseless.

"Whoa, chill out, it's not like it'll ever come true." 'Elle offered.

I ignored her; fear was brimming inside me at what Rampage could have asked for. And that knowing grin he gave me did not help to diminish my fear. 

"What. Did. You. Wish for? Answer me 'Page or else I'll explain what castrated means the hard way." I threatened. "And with you, I can show you again and again."

"Courtney Lee- Ann Freeman! That's disgusting!" I hated is when people used my real name, I preferred nicknames. That and this would be another thing for the crab to torment me with.

"Elle, what did he wish for? And tell me the truth." After a moment, I added, "Please."

"All right, all right. Jeez, it was nothing deserving of what you're planning. All he did was wish that John would get what's coming to him."

I looked back to Rampage slowly. "Is that true?"

Please oh please let that be it.

"Oh course it was _Courtney_."

Grr.as a robot that smile was scary, but now, It's just plain annoying!

"All right, I guess But I swear, if anything else strange happens today because of you"

"Is that a threat?" He laughed. As if I couldn't maim him!

I frowned, but a smile tugged at my lips. "I don't make threats, spark-boy, I make promises." I let go of his collar. "Just remember who holds the spark and everything will be fine." So it was a corny line, but the best way to bluff you're power is to flaunt it.

"Yeeesh girl, one of these days that temper of yours is going to get you into trouble." Michelle said, going into the kitchen.

Who me? Bah, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

"I'm going to go get ready and go to the mall around lunch time, did you guys want to go with me?"

"Yea Michelle, I think that would be good, we need to get Raph here some new clothes."

I watched as Rampage ambled over to the kitchen. I could hear him taking out some food for breakfast, and I tried my best to ignore him. I had a feeling it would be a long day.

~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

"How about this one? Ohh, you'd look good in blue!"

I hid a smile behind my hand, pretending to ignore the pleading look the robot turned human was giving me. I had neglected to mention how much Elle loved to go shopping.

"I do not wear blue!" He growled. "That is fish face's color."

Michelle paused in mid ramblings to glance at me, "Who?"

I shook my head and shrugged, "Imaginary playmate?"

Rolling her eyes, she continued to pile up the clothes into the shopping cart. I finally decided to rescue the poor bot, I mean, after all, he still has to try on this massive pile of things too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hmm, no, you were right, green isn't your color." 

I could tell from his expression that he had a comment on Elle's intelligence, so I shoved him back in with the fire blue shirt and khaki pants.

I watched as he emerged. Wowhe looked really

Ouch!

"You look okay. Try on these next." I told him, handing him a red shirt with one hand, while rubbing the tender area I had pinched with the other.

I need to find another method of distracting myself; otherwise my parents are going to think I'm living with abusive friends!

I sat down on the floor while he tried on the last of the clothing. In the end, he had three t-shirts (two blues, one red) and two pairs of pants (one blue jeans, one khaki). 

I checked my watch as we exited the store.

"Aw crap! I'm going to be late for work!" I glanced over at Michelle and Rampage, "Elle, you and Raph will have to go home with out me, I gotta leave." When she nodded I beckoned Rampage close.

"And you, you'd best behave, or I'll have Starath sic Megatron on you! Is that clear?"

He didn't answer, so I could only hope that he'd behave. I turned and dashed off to my wonderful job making sandwiches at the local Wendy fast food joint. 

I hate my job.

I stand there, crane my neck to see my orders, call for my meat to a guy whose almost never there, and make the blasted sandwich while my boss Trina watched me like a hawk, pointing out everything I do wrong. 

One of these days she's going to get a Junior bacon upside the head

~~~~

I had packed my uniform in my backpack, so I didn't have to worry about running back to the apartment. Work was thankfully very slow, and I had only thirty minutes left of my shift when I stated to feel a bit queasy. A glance down at my hands showed them to be of a slight blue hue. Taking off my gloves I felt the skin, it was hard, and smoothalmost metallic

"Uh, Trina? I gotta go use the washroom, I'll be right back!" I called over to my supervisor.

"Make it quick!"

I scrambled past Joleyn who was chopping up lettuce and ran into the washroom. I looked at my face and promptly clamped a hand over my mouth to stop from screaming. I was blueno, I was blue-green. My eyes were turning red. And not the fake red pupils, I mean completely, entire eye no white showing red!

WTF?!! 

I'll kill him!

Suddenly remembering where I was I desperately tried to stop my body from rebelling against me, and forced myself to look normal again, but to no avail I was still turning metallic. Unlocking the door, I peeked outside, Joleyn was still chopping up the vegetables, but there was no one else around. 

Quickly, I located my supervisor in the office.

"Trina, we're kind of slow today, and I'm not feeling very good" I trailed off as I waited for her to finish her inspection of meI hated this part. "I was wondering if I could get off early."

"Hmm, well, you do seem a little greenalright, go clock out and go home."

I turned my head to hide my sigh of relief as I practically ran to clock out. Grabbing my things without bothering to change I started for home, feeling more and more weird by the minute. By the time I finally got to the apartment, my whole body was feeling slightly electrified. Like a slight tingling sensation all over.

I ran straight for the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror.

I couldn't stop myself from screeching this time.

My skin had turned completely metallic; it was pale icy green with light blue tints around the edges. I pulled off my shirt to see how far it had gone, I noticed when I moved my arms that the interlocking joints were blue, my chest and midsection was covered by some weird armor design.

It didn't matter; I was not about to pretend I felt comfortable enough to walk around nakedeven if I wasn't in robot terms. I still felt it!

My feet felt cramped, and after kicking off my work shoes, I found my feet to be in a type of flat shoes. Man, why can't I ever have heels, just once?

My eyes were bright red, with a brighter orb inside them that I discovered moved to the direction I was looking in.

I'm at least thankful that I still had all my fingers. My hair was gone, which didn't bother me as much as the horn thingies on the side of my head. They looked like 'Page's but I couldn't be sure.

I could hear some one standing outside the door, and I prayed that it wasn't Michelle.

"I'll be out in a minute!" I called.

There was a pause then, "Lady Venom?"

Hmm. When I'm really mad my new eyes shine brighter.

I turned and slowly opened the door and peeked outside; standing there in his new clothes was Rampage. He could obviously feel my immense hatred toward him at the moment, along with my fear of what the hell was happening to meor had happened to me. 

And he was grinning.

"Like the new look?"

He's dead.

TBC


	10. Awww, but I like guns

**Test's, Quiz's, Robots and Killers Oh My!**

Pt. 10

****

Awww but I like guns.

Note: I want to thank Varyn and her insane counterpart, Varun, for helping me past a writers block, and for the ultra cool word hyperosity. Also, in Sinead's continuing mirror series, Hacker has met Depth Charge, just to let you know for the small refernece to the series. Oh, and a small bit of swearing, for those who offend easily.

_Disclaimer: I don't own Starath, Hacker Depth Charge or Rampage_

Okay folks, recap.

When we left off, I was contemplating various forms of torture for the mechanoid crab that he would hopefully not enjoy. For reasons still unknown to me, I was now seated on the small couch in my bedroom, using every fiber of my new shiny body to not pounce and find out the hard way how much damage I could take.

Not that we're up to speed.

I'm gunna kill him!

"after all, you seem to like robots immensely, I decided that you would enjoy being one."

"Ww-what are you, Freud now?!" I sputtered. "Since when did you decide that me being robotic is a good thing?!"

He gave me that sadistic grin of his, "When you decided that me being human was okay."

"Yes, but I have a job, and friends, and rent! What did you gain from staying a robot?"

"I had been in the process of annoying fishface and his new human companion when I was sent to this pit."

That's right! Starath had mentioned something about Hacker meeting the Maximal.

"Okay, that's all fine and good but," I moved to cross my legs and realized that I still had no clothes on. Panicking I sprang toward my closet and shoved the sliding doors open.

"What's wrong now Courtney?"

"Argh! I hate that name! And I'm looking for something to wear! This is the second time I've been naked around you and frankly, this pattern is frightening me."

"But you are not naked, you are fully armored." He told me with the innocence of an immortal killer.

I grabbed a random tee and jeans, praying that they were clean enough to wear.

"Not for my tastes, I prefer to be clothed with cloth, not metal. I still feel naked, no matter what you sayBesides, how do I know you're not lying?"

I pulled the tank, as I discovered it was, over my head easily, mindful of my new head horns, the jeans took some tuggingstupid metal hips!

"Why would I lie to you?"

Haven't figured that out yet

Inspecting myself in my mirror, I turned on the chuckling robot turned human, "One Waspinator crack, and they'll be one less spot at the supper table tonight!"

The bright yellow tank was a large contrast to my light green body. Just watching him made my blood boil at what he had do-

Wait, robots don't have blood, they havemech. fluid.

Well, WHATEVER is ruining through my veins or, tubes and wires I'm sure it's boiling!

Stupid robot analogies

"I am curious about one thing though," When I was positive he knew I was actually talking and not ranting, I continued.

"Why give me these horn things? Why not just a cool helmet, or robotic hair?"

He eyed them, and then the rest of me, making me feel like a cow being surveyed at the market.

"I never cared for a bot with helmet. They always looked like they were hiding something. As for hair, if I don't get any, why should you?"

"So what? You assumed these things sticking out of the side of my head would look good?" I retorted.

"Personally? No, but they don't look half-bad. I just figured they would bother you, or at least get in the way."

Yeah, I can just imagine me trying to put a sweater on over my head with these antlers sticking out.

I'm going to have to invest in a lot more tank tops

"Look, I'm really not comfortable as a bot, so turn me back, please. Now."

"Humph, like I am being human? Besides, the original wish had no set reverse time."

I gaped at him, he had turned me into this without thinking ahead, with no thoughts of repercussions and without a preknown change time?

This is Rampage. Destructo crab extradonaire!

DAMMIT! Robots can't pinch themselves!

Note to self: Find other methods of staying focused.

I wonder if robots have ADD.?

OUCH!

"Lady Venom, why are you kicking yourself?"

Note to self: Find less violent ways to stay focused.

I wonder if I have weapons

OUCH!

Find new method soon!

"Do I have a specified faction?"

This caught him off guard, or at least surprised him a bit.

"Do you care?"

I shrugged, "Not really, it's just the Maximals are too wholesome and good for my tastes. Even with the rodent and widow. And the Preds are too bloodthirsty for me as well. I can go for that hate, gore and all that, but y'all do some pretty nasty things sometimes."

"So you would be happy to know that you belong to neither, since I too despise both."

"SoooI belong to nothing? Hmmcatchy title; The Nothingsyea, I like it! Hey Page, wanna join me on The Nothings' side? Our activation code can be Thin Air!"

Rampage watched my insane anger turned insane hyperosity with a raised eyebrow.

Huh? I didn't know he could do that trick. I wonder if he's met Lady Dementia or her crab?

"Thin Air? The Nothings? Are you positive you didn't drink the last Vanilla Coke?"

I nodded, bouncing on the couch.

"Uh huh! Here, look, this can be our insignia!" I pointed to a blank spot on my upper arm. He leaned in close to get a better look.

"But there's nothing there."

"EXACTLY! It works out because it's vanished and – did you say we're out of Vanilla Coke?"

The complete 180 from overly excited to comprehensive shock frightened even me.

I just processed that my main source of caffeine was gone, to say I was _miffed_ is understated.

"What do you mean all the coke is gone? We had two full boxes three days ago!"

Did he seem fidgety all of a sudden?

"Yea um, well you see"

Still standing I put my hands on my hips and promptly lost my hands in my invisible subspace compartments.

Whoa.

ECHO!

OUCH!

"Sweet! Hey Page, shut up a sec and check this out!"

I pulled out some small weaponry including an array of small throwing knives, two brass knuckles and a few proximity bombs. This body was definitely built for my kind of fighting: A lot of it at close range!

"Miss Venom, need I remind you of your no violence' policy?"

Picking up a knife, I tested it for sharpness, "Rules were made to be broken, or did you forget that Rampage?"

"Hmm and just who do you plan on doing harm too?"

I set the knife back down and picked up a gun.

"Not so much harm as scaring shitless."

The gun I was fiddling with suddenly went off, hitting the human in front of me square in the chest. I watched in horror as the fiery blue shirt had a large hole incinerated in it, and the dark flesh underneath became charred. Rampage grunted but remained standing, acting as if the blast was nothing more than a light tap.

"OhmygodareyoualrightI'msosorry!!!"

I jumped over to him to check the wound. After peeling away bits of the melted shirt I was given a clear view of his smooth, unbroken skin.

Well. How was I to know the whole _immortal_ thing worked when he was human?

"I'm fine Courtney," He assured me, after taking a moment to decipher what I had yelled. "But I believe that _you_ would be safer if you wouldn't touch anymore firearms." And with that, I was now three weapons short.

But that was okay, I had what I needed to scare ol' Johnny boy.

Me.

__

TBC


	11. Remember, You're Human Now!

**Remember, You're Human Now!**

Author Note: Sorry it took so long for the next chapter, bad writers block, hopefully though, this'll live up to the previous chapters!

Disclaimer: I own myself, and three-quaters of the apt. Everything else belongs to it's respectfulowners.

* * *

"Aw, come on, please?"

I watched the older man hopefully. But Ram- I mean, Raphael simply gave me that 'I – don't – think – so' look.

…Wait, why was I asking for permission? Wasn't I the stronger one?

"Why are suddenly so happy?" I glanced his way from my plotting. 

H'm…my weapons were behind him…two feet away…

"No." Came his forceful yet monotone voice.

I watched him innocently as my newly robotic face would allow, "What're you sayin' no to? I haven't said anything yet!"

"Doesn't mean you weren't thinking about doing something"

…stupid empaths…

"Oh…go have a shower or something Raphael…" I implied, remembering how he had gotten stuck in the shower before.

Oh crap, I'm dead…

I don't think being glared at by a murderer is a good thing…

"Uh….heh…come on, it was just a joke…" I tried, raising my pale green hands in defense.

Not wasting a second (or thoughts of reason) I dashed for my gun that the killer had confiscated from me.

He easily grabbed my arm and, using my momentum he flipped me over his hip. The result was an out of breath me looking at an upside down Rampage.

Dammit….there goes that theory.

"But they're miiiine." I whined.

"So?" He raised an eyebrow.

"But, but…" What can I use on him…

"YOU DRANK ALL THE POP!" I shouted up at him from the floor.

"So?"

God damned, stupid robotic remorselessness…

OUCH!

Stupid, dumb…idiotic…giant…grumblegrumblegrumble…

"Fine! Than you're never being Rampage again!"

…Oh shit…

The humanized Rampage grabbed me by the throat and picked me up.

"You are going to change me back, now!"

"But…but I like you better this way…" I choked out, trying to pry his hands off of my neck.

"I don't, now change me back now!"

"Court? We're back!" Came Michelle's voice.

Rampage seemed to come back to his senses long enough to drop me. I looked up, gasping for air.

…wait…why did I need air again? I was robotic…I could bloody well walk on the bottom of the ocean floor if I wanted too…

Heh…that's kinda cool…I should try that out sometime…ohhh….maybe I could see the Titanic…

OUCH!

Stupid…randomness of mind…

"Hey, Venom girl, you going to the movies with us tonight or what?"

Buh...? Movies?

"Um..." I poked my head of the door slightly, "Movies? What movies?"

"Ya know,it ISmovie night, we thought we could go see Constantine...whadda think?"

I looked over to Rampage, "Um..." Than down at my own shiny self. "Sure!"

He gave me an odd look, but I grabbed the one thing I promised never to wear; Johnathan's large thug wannabe sweater.

Try as I might, I could not get the damned hood up and over my horn things. Finally, after laughing at my perdicament for a few minutes, Rampage came over, and with one swift tug, puled the sweater down easily.

"I hate you..." I glared at him.

"So?"

"GAH! Why do you like that word so much!" I left before he could answer, pulling the hood up over my head to hide myself.

"Okay Elle, we'll go." I watched her pull her long brown hair back into a ponytail. Going back in the bedroom I threw a random shirt at 'Page and grabbed his arm.

"Come on crabby, we've got a theatreto catch... and...um..." I watched him watch me curiously. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

"Theatre?"

I smacked my metallic forehead. Doi, of course! Crabby's never heard the word theatre before!

"Okay, a theatre is like the movies you watch here, only they're on a large screen with more noise." I explained. Yea, so sue me, I suck at explanations...

"Oh, alright." He nodded.

Bonus, at least he's a quick learner...besides. I don't think him having his arsenal when we watch Constantine would be a good thing.

I can see it now: _An angel? Stupid human religious logics! _Out comes the missile luancher, and down goes the screen...

**-20 minutes later**-

"CanI have some of that popped fluff that your friend Michelle bought?"

"You mean popcorn?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you tried to strangle me earlier."

"Oh."

I look over at the darkened form of Rampage beside me. He seemed...disappointed...?

Weel, good! Serves him right for trying to kill me again.

"HEY!"

I looked over to see Rampage shove something in his mouth and Michelle's bag of popcorn suddenly considerably lower in mass.

I glared at him, and he tried to smile, looking at me innocently.

"Rampage?"

"...yea?" Came his muffled reply.

"Whistle for me."

He gave me an odd look. "You can only give me that innocent act if you can whistle."

"Pffffff-wwww..." Spittle of popcorn sprayed out of his mouth.

"Yu huh...I thought so..." I looked back to the screen. "Glutton."

The movie itself went on without another hitch, which was nice. It was after we left the movie that things started going wrong. Like seeing Johnny boy...and his new slut...

I knew Rampage could feel my pissed offededness, because he was suddenly not beside me any more.

"Raph?" I looked around, and suddenly found him behind Johnathon at the arcade. Johnathon was trying his best not to look scared of the intimidating man/robot Rampage.Rampage was saying something to him, while his new girl was getting the food. When she returned, he grabbed her arm and took off toward the movies.

"Um..'Page? What exactly did you say to him?"

Rampage looked down at me, "Nothing..."

"Yuh huh...sure...what did you say?"

"I simply informed him that if he evermade you upset again, that I haveno problem going back to prison."

I burst out laughing, snorting the leftover pop through my nose as I looked up at him. On a large, and I do mean large, impulse, I couldn't resist. I hugged him. Then immediately stopped incase I freaked out the killer crab.

Cool...He didn't kill me...guess this is shaping up to be a good day after all...Johnathon is scared shitless of us, and Rampage stood up for me...

...Why do I have a feeling it won't last...


End file.
